When You Arrive, Love

Here is some inspiration from Spanish writer Antonio Gala, “When You [Love] Arrive” (“Cuando tú llegues”):

Where will you come from? Will you come down the hill, or will you come up from the river? Will North or will South be sending you? What language will you speak? Under which kind face will you hide now? […] Will you arrive suddenly, like lightning, as you did on one occasion, or will you tiptoe toward me […], or maybe you are already inside me, and you might come out any afternoon and burst out laughing like a child? What are you doing now, while I miss you? Do you miss me […]?

Or maybe you never left. You just played hide-and-seek, and you are the same one as you have always been, playfully appearing and disappearing. […] Maybe you are me, too. Me, extending my arm. […] If that is the case, please do not change faces or expressions any more. Stay still, right here. Let’s look into each other’s eyes slowly: no more disasters, no more crimes. […] If you never left, do not leave again. Do not disguise yourself; do not feign to go away, do not pretend to be asleep. Because there is not too much time left, and we will need to hurry…

When you arrive – if you are to arrive – don’t make noise when you come in. Use your own key. Say Good Afternoon, or Good Evening, and come in. […] Where did my wounds go?, I will ask myself…

But listen to me well: Stay for good when you arrive.

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Relationship Talk!

She: I’m not happy because you are not fully committed to me.
He: I’m not happy because you are not happy because I’m not fully committed to you.
She: So you are not happy because you’re not fully committed to me!
He: No. I’m not happy because you are not happy. And I’m not committed to you because I’m not happy.

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Why Do Other Couples Look Happier Than You?

Have you ever noticed that almost all other couples out there look happier than you in your relationship life?

Have you ever wondered if this is really true???

Chances are, many couples display a public façade of happiness when, in reality, they may be struggling, or even living in their own private hell. We hide it not only from strangers, but also from friends.

And so, we may feel alone in our struggles, each one holding the secret that their relationship is not perfect!

Relationships are not perfect! Nor do people deserve so much suffering!

We sometimes hold the dream of a Hollywood happy ending until, one day, there is a breakup, and nobody saw it coming?

Let’s share the truth of our relationship struggles! With ourselves first, and with a trusted friend. Or a therapist, if needed.

We might end up being happier than those happy-looking couples!

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Relationship Through Time: A True Story

I spent half an hour with Charles—Freda's husband—this morning. He's dying.

Last night, Freda had said to me, “If you want to see a very nice person one more time, come soon. Tomorrow.” So I went to see Charles this morning. I brought Freda and Charles a bouquet of colorful flowers. Today is their last Valentine's. They got married 10 years ago, and they both agree that this was their best marriage. Also the best 10 years of their lives.

Freda chose a red carnation and pinned it to Charles' freshly ironed shirt. She chose another one, and pinned it to her blouse. Charles looked elegantly color-coordinated, in his nice shirt and slacks, his red suspenders and red socks. The red carnation looked good on him, too. “Dressed for the occasion,” I thought. His elegant clothes contrasted with his extreme thinness. He could hardly talk, but the wise, loving look in his eyes communicated all that I needed to know. I sat by him and held his hand. He spoke to me in a serene voice.

“I wish I'd had a chance to get to know you better.”
“So do I.”
“I want to ask you something,” he continued. “What do you wish to accomplish in the next ten or fifteen years?”
Tears instantly flooded my eyes. I swallowed. “I want to learn how to live and love well,” I responded.
He nodded. Then I heard myself add, “I have pursued higher education and I am now working towards another degree, but none of that really matters. I have to spend my time some way or another. But the only thing that matters to me is my connections with people. Love.”
“You are very wise,” he said.
“So are you.”
“I don't know if I've been wise or not...,” he mumbled.

I felt the beauty of his presence, his words. Wise or not, we shared a magical moment that I would remember for a long time. Every second was precious. Time stopped. I was there and nowhere else. Hearing everything, seeing everything, feeling everything.

“My first marriage lasted seven years,” he went on. “My second one lasted thirty-five. And then, I met Freda. The age difference was big, and I told her that she would only have about seven years with me. She married me anyway.
“At the beginning, our minds separated us. She asked me, 'Tell me how you think,' but I didn't understand her question. I had never thought of such things.”

More silence. I did not feel my usual need to speak. The sacredness of the moment taught me that many words were not necessary. Charles spoke again.

“Do you think there is something after life?”
“I was raised Catholic,” I explained, “and was taught about heaven and hell. But I don't believe in that. What comes to me is that the soul lives, always. Also before and after 'death,' perhaps. It's a loving energy for which death does not exist. Sometimes people's souls seem 'dead' while their bodies are alive.” I could feel the vibrant life in Charles' soul.

There was a knock at the door. Charles' ride to the hospice was there. He was going to the hospital to “die.”

While Freda was making some last-minute preparations, I was asked to take Charles downstairs to the car. I pushed his wheelchair down the hallway slowly.

“The last time he sees this familiar hallway,” I thought.
“You are taking me on the beginning of my final journey,” he said, as we entered the elevator to take him downstairs.

Charles was helped into the passenger's seat. I kneeled down to talk to him one last time.

“I treasure the time I spent with you,” I started. “I treasure how you have lived and loved.”
“I wish you the very, very best,” he said, softly enunciating his words. His eyes held mine. “I hope you find that person,” he added. He knew. I knew.

We held hands and cried again. I stood up, turned around, hugged Freda, and went home.

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Do Men Value Relationship Less than Women?

In his best-selling book The Way Of The Superior ManChapter 7, “Your Purpose Must Come Before Your Relationship”, David Deida writes: “If a man prioritizes his relationship over his highest purpose, he weakens himself, disserves the universe, and cheats his woman of an authentic man who can offer her full, undivided presence.” Quite a statement, huh?

While many would agree that it’s hard to find happiness in relationship if you are not happy with yourself, for both men and women,... it appears that men may be more hard-wired by nature to focus on their purpose or on hunting the deer “at the expense of” the relationship… or is it “for the sake of” the relationship and the age-old fending for his survival, and that of his loved ones?

How important are gender differences in valuing relationship? How do you feel about this? What’s your experience as a man or a woman? Let’s explore together!

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Do Men and Women Really Suit Each Other?

"Sometimes I wonder if men and women really suit each other. Perhaps they should live next door and just visit now and then."
—Katharine Hepburn

Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing,
there is a field. I'll meet you there.
When the soul lies down in that grass,

the world is too full to talk about.
Ideas, language, even the phrase "each other" doesn't make any sense.
—Rumi

Does your pendulum swing from one position to the other?

A mere change in perception will so easily throw us into "heaven" or "hell"!

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Relationship, oh Relationship! An Ode to Relationship

Relationship is one of my passions. Relationship is powerful.

Wonderful, challenging and mysterious, relationship brings us into life, nourishes us, hurts us, shapes us, and keeps us here after we “pass”.

Even in bandages, after earth-shattering heartbreaks, we return to relationship. It’s where we start and end. Or perhaps we never left?

No matter the cost, relationship opens your heart and shows you your core.

And we all need support along this path. Can you trust again and let relationship heal your heart? Hold another's hand and give it a second chance!

For better or worse, here we are, caught in relationship land.

Is it me? Is it you? Let’s just laugh!

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